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Dear Diary

Fri, 21/03/2008 - 12:47 — Megan C

This week we have been writing our own diary's so I'm going to share mine.

Dear Diary,

I was really excited today because it's the best day of my life, why? because it's Easter Sunday when you can eat lots of chocolate Easter Eggs yummy! My Mummy left me on the black leather seetee because my Mummy went to a fun fare. I know that's so unfair! so today I have ran away to Puerto Banus in Marbella which is in Spain.

Meanwhile I arrived in Marbella it was so hot! so I went shopping and got a swimming costume, sun umbrella, make-up and silver flip flops and lots more stuff. After that I booked a room in a hotel and went swimming in a lovely cold swimming pool after a nice long swim I felt much better. When I eventually got out I was a giant fuzz ball so I went to the salon and got my fur groomed. Then I met this other rabbit she said she was called Daisy, she let me share her room for the night and we watched High School Musical one and two! My other friend called and said that Sophie didn't know where I was and she was sick with worries so I got the earliest flight back home next morning oh what an unforgettable holiday Night Night Diary xx

By Megan C

Comments

Fri, 21/03/2008 - 12:56 — Mr Furness

Mr Furness

Cool diary entry! I've just read it. Somehow I wish I was on Marbella today as it is very cold here isn't it?

I thought your diary entry was very well written with some interesting words to describe how you were feeling during the day. The only bit I might suggest you look at is whether you had actually got on the plane to go home. Your diary entry was written about the day you have just had and not about what you had done tomorrow (!) as well. :-)

Rather than take out the sentence about the flight home tomorrow, can you think about what words you could write to describe what you hope to do instead of what you actually did.

Mr Furness

Fri, 21/03/2008 - 13:10 — Megan C

Megan C

How can I change it? and what do you mean when you said that my diary was written about the day I just had and also what do you mean when you said what you had done tomorrow??

Megan C

( very confusing to me!)

Fri, 21/03/2008 - 13:24 — Mr Furness

Mr Furness

Sorry... it isn't easy to explain....

I meant that you started your diary with:

I was really excited today......

So it seemed to me as though you were only writing about the events that took place on that day. When you were writing the diary about your day, tomorrow hasn't yet happened.

Even though tomorrow hasn't happened (yet) you wrote about how you caught a flight home. You couldn't have done!!

Does that make more sense?

You could end with...

"I hope to catch the earliest flight home tomorrow, so I'd better get some sleep as it will be an early start and dash to the airport."